I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
