I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize