she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize