i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
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