Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
