I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I look better un-naked...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
