i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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