She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
did you just send me my own nude
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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