Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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