So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
