He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
