Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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