once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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