Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
