Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
