I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
