bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize