Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
