I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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