You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
MIDGETS
????
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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