i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
