I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
