I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
