Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
how does that bad decision feel?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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