he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
