i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize