I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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