I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm at about main and main street
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
