I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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