its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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