After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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