Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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