i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize