two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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