I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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