i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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