I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
