Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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