I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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