His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
