U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
