Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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