We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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