All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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