My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
