She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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