Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
