She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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