If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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