is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
