He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
