Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
