I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize