I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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