walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
