He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
