take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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