You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
