I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
