So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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