She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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