so let's talk penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
