Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
