I think scott just propositioned me for sex
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
