i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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