butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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