I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
