drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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