You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
