dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
