we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
