well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
