So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
