McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We're too hungover to prance.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
