In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
cat food counts as protein by the way
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
