i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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