I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
