Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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